I have never felt this type of anger before in my life. The kind that radiates through your pores and makes your entire body hum. The kind that drives demons away because that look of hatred in your eyes could make anyone flee.
Why ? you ask. Well there are countless reasons why. On the bottom of the pile are thousands of little things teetering and festering one on top of the other and most recently two very big and heavy maggots have arrived to get the entire stinking, rotting mess composting.
Wait.. Compost is a good thing? Bad analogy? No, I think it is about right. The anger itself is something I choose to feel. Choose? Yup I know it does not feel that way, the way it bubbles up and rises, the way it makes my eyes narrow and fists clench. I want to take every dish I own and smash them in my garage. Just to hear the porcelain clatter on the cement. That is how angry I am.
So back to this choice. I can choose to feel angry and wallow in that pile of filthy little things with the maggots, squirming and making myself cozy. I could choose to pick each small little thing up and examine and reexamine continually. You know who that helps? NO BODY.
It sucks. It damn well sucks that life is NOT fair and things do NOT go the way you planned. But continually wallowing in it will only make me more angry, and more toxic.
You know what happens when your angry? You start to feel like a victim, you begin to feel like the world is out to get you and so you want to get out of the way, or get what you need before they take it from you.
You stop opening doors for people, you start to curse under your breath (not so quietly) and you begin to feel like life is one big mess. And guess what? It becomes that because YOU are creating it. You feel like a victim, you act like a victim, you must be a victim.
So NOW WHAT?
Now I try to move on. I try to pick up the pieces that I've so thoroughly wrecked with my anger. Because you know what else sucks. Along with the unfair things that happen to you, your natural reaction to anger can cause even MORE unpleasantness. I have found myself in a shit load of unpleasantness these days. The good news is that this roller coaster ride of crazy is something I can choose to get off.
Today I am getting off.
How the hell do you do that? Well doing things that are shown in this video makes me happy. And if I only start with small little steps, I am hoping I can get myself back on track. check out this link
THE KINDNESS BOOMERANG
|taken from www.thefabweb.com|