Summer days

Summer days
I wish everyday was a beach walk.

Friday 25 January 2013

Angry!!

I am so ANGRY!
I have never felt this type of anger before in my life. The kind that radiates through your pores and makes your entire body hum. The kind that drives demons away because that look of hatred in your eyes could make anyone flee.

Why ? you ask. Well there are countless reasons why. On the bottom of the pile are thousands of little things teetering and festering one on top of the other and most recently two very big and heavy maggots have arrived to get the entire stinking, rotting mess composting.

Wait.. Compost is a good thing? Bad analogy? No, I think it is about right. The anger itself is something I choose to feel.  Choose?  Yup I know it does not feel that way, the way it bubbles up and rises, the way it makes my eyes narrow and fists clench.  I want to take every dish I own and smash them in my garage. Just to hear the porcelain clatter on the cement. That is how angry I am.

So back to this choice.  I can choose to feel angry and wallow in that pile of filthy little things with the maggots, squirming and making myself cozy.  I could choose to pick each small little thing up and examine and reexamine continually.  You know who that helps? NO BODY.

It sucks. It damn well sucks that life is NOT fair and things do NOT go the way you planned.  But continually wallowing in it will only make me more angry, and more toxic. 


You know what happens when your angry? You start to feel like a victim, you begin to feel like the world is out to get you and so you want to get out of the way, or get what you need before they take it from you.
You stop opening doors for people, you start to curse under your breath (not so quietly) and you begin to feel like life is one big mess.  And guess what? It becomes that because YOU are creating it. You feel like a victim,  you act like a victim, you must be a victim.


So NOW WHAT?

Now I try to move on. I try to pick up the pieces that I've so thoroughly wrecked with my anger. Because you know what else sucks. Along with the unfair things that happen to you, your natural reaction to anger can cause even MORE unpleasantness. I have found myself in a shit load of unpleasantness these days.  The good news is that this roller coaster ride of crazy is something I can choose to get off.

Today I am getting off.

How the hell do you do that? Well doing things that are shown in this video makes me happy. And if I only start with small little steps, I am hoping I can get myself back on track. check out this link
THE KINDNESS BOOMERANG
below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tHWc5WlDGg


taken from www.thefabweb.com





Thursday 3 January 2013

Vitamin D!!

I have been dreaming of vacation.
The sun,sand, beach .... peace and quiet.  There is a beach that is just so beautiful back in P.E.I where I am from. I like to think of it as "my" beach.  My best friend and I would walk for hours and contemplate life, love and our futures.  Those were the days when we thought we had it figured all out and optimism was not hard to come by.

Even when my life seems to be in shambles or just everyday stresses of work and family life seem to weigh a little heavy.  All I need is to walk on the beach, barefoot and happy.  The smell of salt air and sound of seagulls in the distance, cleanse the soul and the mind.   Food tastes better, skin feels softer, and life a little lighter.

I often day dream of moving back to the P.E.I. but in my daydreams it is an eternal P.E.I. summer. Up with the sunset in a rustic cottage on the beach.  Coffee on the porch while the tide goes out.  Weeding your vegetable garden and puttering around your place.  Calling on old friends who have nothing more to do than talk to you. Reading a book in the sun on the beach. Stretching out and having a nap in a hammock between two of the oldest trees on your property.  This is the stuff that I dream about. Hopefully one day will be my future.

Wednesday 2 January 2013

What I have learned about the M word.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and together for 13. We were only 19 and 20 when we first started dating and you can bet that we are now completely different people.

The core person is still there and certain attribute ( however much we wish to change in the other) will always be there. But who we are now compared to who we were 13 years ago definitely has changed. You could say life has made us jaded, experienced, stronger or you could also say we still have the same insecurities and brokenness we carry from our childhood.

So how do we stay with the SAME person for an eternity. It all seemed so romantic 13 years ago, but the cold, hard truth is it is HARD WORK!  You can really love and hate the same person at the exactly same time.  It sucks, but it is also wonderful.
It is wonderful to know someone knows your inner most dreams, knows what you are capable of, has revelled in the secret life of your passions. That deep down, no matter what you will always catch each other when you fall.

You will make mistakes. You will make many, many mistakes. Mistakes in communication, finances, life goals. But how you handle these mistakes will show your true resolve, it is when we weather the rockiest of storms we come out stronger, true captains.

Life is a very short gift. I know many who have wasted it on foolish things, and i, myself have wasted too much time dwelling on foolish thing. This 2013 let it be a year of goals attained, hurdles jumped, and happiness for my family and yours.

Happy New Year.